Well, it certainly has been some time since my last post :)
It has been touching to read all the comments and read about others' stories. I am always impressed each and every time that anyone has any interest in what I have to say or what my experience has been. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't the only one who had gone through something like this. It was nice to read all the words of encouragement. I especially enjoyed hearing things from a man's perspective (thank you for that!). And thank you to each and every one of you who has dared to post and share your experience. I am sure that your words were not only inspiring for me, but for other readers as well. Thank you again.
Although I posted "The Epic Conclusion" about five months ago, the break-up happened almost a year ago. Although it never seems like it at the time, life does go on after a break up. My life certainly has. How did I get through it...? Well, I did a lot of crying. Sometimes I would come home from work, pull into my garage, and just sit there and cry. Not in mourning for the man I was no longer with, but in mourning for the life I had envisioned for us together that was no longer to be. Although I hadn't walked down the aisle yet, in my mind, I was already married to the man. I was looking forward to starting a family. I was planning to be a mom (I already had my son's name picked out). I was mentally prepared to leave my home and follow my husband wherever he had to do his rotations. I was looking forward to sharing my bed with someone again. When I lost my fiancé, I lost those dreams as well. It was devastating. So I cried and I cried and I cried.
For those of you familiar with Kaiser Permanente...they have an excellent collection of podcasts available to members. The podcasts use something called visual imagery and positive affirmations. Visual imagery is all about imagining yourself in a soothing environment. Positive affirmations are positive statements meant to boost one's self-esteem. Kaiser had a podcast especially for grief. When I would wake up in the middle of the night, overwhelmed with grief and crying my eyes out...I would turn one of these podcasts on and I would at least be able to relax a little better.
I also bought a dog! A toy poodle I adopted from the local shelter. The bumper sticker "who saved who?" referring to people who have adopted pets, rings so relevant for me. She is the most affectionate dog I know. She is always excited to see me when I come home. She loves to be held and patted. And if I cried, she would jump right on my lamp instantly as if to give me a hug. She saved me.
Finally, I spent more time with family and friends and doing things that I enjoyed, but had neglected to do for so long because I was always thinking about and supporting my (ex) fiancé. I had always wanted to travel, but had been discouraged from doing so when I was with Jason because he thought "we should go together." Of course we never did, but this year I did. I went to Istanbul with a friend and to Africa just last month. I went to more music concerts and started doing things I enjoyed. It was nice to rediscover myself and see who Julia was.
I guess the point is....although its hard to see now (when the break-up first happens), please know that things will get better. Day by day, week by week, month by month. Give yourself time, you will heal and you will love again and BE loved again.
Love,
Julia
(Just Julia)
Monday, October 21, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
The Epic Conclusion
If you've read any part of this blog, then you know I'm not much of a blogger. I submit a post maybe every three to six months. However, staying true to my word, I want to continue to relay my experience as a med student's fiancé.
Please, please, please note and remember that this is just my personal experience that I am sharing with you to highlight the challenges of maintaining not only a long distance relationship, but also a relationship with a med student. By no means does this mean that my experience will become yours.
Here we go.....
The Beginning of the End
If you've read earlier posts, then you know my relationship with my med student has not always been the smoothest ride. Before he was even admitted to school, we lived two hours away from each. I was done with grad school and had already started my career, while he opted to remain with his parents and save money. Several months later he proposed (of course, I said yes!) and then we got hit with the news that he would need to attend school outside of the country if he ever wanted to become a doctor.
When the news hit, we discussed the possibility of me traveling with him. There were other students who had brought families along with them, so it wouldn't be a problem. But there weren't a lot of amenities where he was going (which didn't concern me, but he believed I would always complain about it anyway lol). Plus, I was just starting out as a social worker and two years with him would mean losing two years of experience - in which time I could have been working towards earning my license.
Additionally, there was always a small voice in my head, in the back of my mind, that told me I would be screwed if I left to be with him and in the end things didn't work out. I think in the back of his head, he was thinking it too, but never said it. So many times you hear about women giving up their dreams and careers to support their boyfriend, fiancé, whoever in school, only to be pushed aside later when he finally reaches success and decides she's no longer good enough for him. Heard that story before? Well, that wasn't going to be me.
But I think the biggest reason why I didn't go, was because in the end, he never actually asked me to come with him. Yeah, we discussed it. But he never once actually asked me to come with him or tried to convince me to come.
So from the beginning, there were always problems and complications. Not all of them related to med school.
Unhappily Ever After
It was December 15, 2012 (I think lol). Jason was finally coming home, for good. I was nervous and excited at the same time like I always was when I'm seeing him for the first time after so many months. I was there on time, parked and everything. I had arrived just minutes after his plane had landed. I walked inside the busy airport eagerly moving my head from side to side looking through the hoards of people in search of him. I finally spotted him from behind going towards the turnstile to pick up his luggage. With a big, goofy smile on my face and butterflies in the pit of my stomach, I ran towards him and stopped right behind him. I tapped him on his arm. He turned around to see who it was and with an indifferent look on his face he said "hey." Not "Hey!" Uh-uh. Just "hey." Then he turned back around to continue to look for his bags. He didn't reach out to hug me. He didn't reach out to kiss me. He didn't say he missed me. At that point, I felt like all I was to him was a ride from the airport.
We grabbed his luggage and silently walked back to the car together. Loaded his bags and got in the car. The ride home was about thirty minutes away from the airport. It was the most tension filled, quietest ride I had ever had with him.
We got home, watched some movies, but never cuddled. I tried to kiss him, but he did not return my affection.
The next day, I asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. I went to the bedroom and laid on my bed and cried. Jason decided it was a good time to put on his headphones. He never came to check on me and see what was wrong.
We lasted only one night together after he came home before it was finally over between us and we parted ways. We had been together for five years.
Some Conclusions
I think its important to know and understand that our ending cannot be entirely blamed on our long distance relationship and the fact that he was a med student. Yes, it definitely affected the relationship, but we obviously had problems that were unrelated to either of those issues. Med school and long distance did contribute to our growing apart; we were unable to adequately share in the pleasures and displeasures of daily life with each other. So we had no idea what the other was truly going through. Yes, med school is hard for the girlfriend or boyfriend that actually is in school. But its also hard for the girlfriend or boyfriend that isn't in school and doesn't know how to relate to or soothe the student. At the same time, the girlfriend or boyfriend not in school is feeling lonely and sad that their partner is gone and guilty for wanting them to come back home. School also did take up a large chunk of his time. It was hard to talk to him and have quality time with him from afar. There would be things that I would want to tell him and share with him that I couldn't. Technology was also a problem. Skype was not always the most reliable software. Neither was FaceTime. Just trying to sort out the technology would take up some of the precious time that we did have together. Most importantly, however, I think the distance prevented us from being able to grow together.
Remember, this experience is my own personal one, shared from my perspective and not that of Jason's.
Knowing what I know now, having had this experience, would I do it over again or with someone else? I honestly don't know. If I were to change anything, I probably would have ended the relationship a lot earlier after the first wedding was cancelled. Instead I waited for him to end it for us. I knew things were different between us, but I just kept going hoping things would get better, holding on to that false belief that if he was just home, things would be better and we wouldn't be having these issues. But of course, that was not true.
But I guess love is like that. We put ourselves out there and we take our chances hoping for the best. And even though this was an extremely tough situation to bear I'm definitely going to continue to put myself out there and in time I'll be ready to open my heart to someone else again. Hopefully, this time, however, the guy will be for keeps.
Thank you all for reading and sharing this journey with me.
Please, please, please note and remember that this is just my personal experience that I am sharing with you to highlight the challenges of maintaining not only a long distance relationship, but also a relationship with a med student. By no means does this mean that my experience will become yours.
Here we go.....
The Beginning of the End
If you've read earlier posts, then you know my relationship with my med student has not always been the smoothest ride. Before he was even admitted to school, we lived two hours away from each. I was done with grad school and had already started my career, while he opted to remain with his parents and save money. Several months later he proposed (of course, I said yes!) and then we got hit with the news that he would need to attend school outside of the country if he ever wanted to become a doctor.
When the news hit, we discussed the possibility of me traveling with him. There were other students who had brought families along with them, so it wouldn't be a problem. But there weren't a lot of amenities where he was going (which didn't concern me, but he believed I would always complain about it anyway lol). Plus, I was just starting out as a social worker and two years with him would mean losing two years of experience - in which time I could have been working towards earning my license.
Additionally, there was always a small voice in my head, in the back of my mind, that told me I would be screwed if I left to be with him and in the end things didn't work out. I think in the back of his head, he was thinking it too, but never said it. So many times you hear about women giving up their dreams and careers to support their boyfriend, fiancé, whoever in school, only to be pushed aside later when he finally reaches success and decides she's no longer good enough for him. Heard that story before? Well, that wasn't going to be me.
But I think the biggest reason why I didn't go, was because in the end, he never actually asked me to come with him. Yeah, we discussed it. But he never once actually asked me to come with him or tried to convince me to come.
So from the beginning, there were always problems and complications. Not all of them related to med school.
Unhappily Ever After
It was December 15, 2012 (I think lol). Jason was finally coming home, for good. I was nervous and excited at the same time like I always was when I'm seeing him for the first time after so many months. I was there on time, parked and everything. I had arrived just minutes after his plane had landed. I walked inside the busy airport eagerly moving my head from side to side looking through the hoards of people in search of him. I finally spotted him from behind going towards the turnstile to pick up his luggage. With a big, goofy smile on my face and butterflies in the pit of my stomach, I ran towards him and stopped right behind him. I tapped him on his arm. He turned around to see who it was and with an indifferent look on his face he said "hey." Not "Hey!" Uh-uh. Just "hey." Then he turned back around to continue to look for his bags. He didn't reach out to hug me. He didn't reach out to kiss me. He didn't say he missed me. At that point, I felt like all I was to him was a ride from the airport.
We grabbed his luggage and silently walked back to the car together. Loaded his bags and got in the car. The ride home was about thirty minutes away from the airport. It was the most tension filled, quietest ride I had ever had with him.
We got home, watched some movies, but never cuddled. I tried to kiss him, but he did not return my affection.
The next day, I asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. I went to the bedroom and laid on my bed and cried. Jason decided it was a good time to put on his headphones. He never came to check on me and see what was wrong.
We lasted only one night together after he came home before it was finally over between us and we parted ways. We had been together for five years.
Some Conclusions
I think its important to know and understand that our ending cannot be entirely blamed on our long distance relationship and the fact that he was a med student. Yes, it definitely affected the relationship, but we obviously had problems that were unrelated to either of those issues. Med school and long distance did contribute to our growing apart; we were unable to adequately share in the pleasures and displeasures of daily life with each other. So we had no idea what the other was truly going through. Yes, med school is hard for the girlfriend or boyfriend that actually is in school. But its also hard for the girlfriend or boyfriend that isn't in school and doesn't know how to relate to or soothe the student. At the same time, the girlfriend or boyfriend not in school is feeling lonely and sad that their partner is gone and guilty for wanting them to come back home. School also did take up a large chunk of his time. It was hard to talk to him and have quality time with him from afar. There would be things that I would want to tell him and share with him that I couldn't. Technology was also a problem. Skype was not always the most reliable software. Neither was FaceTime. Just trying to sort out the technology would take up some of the precious time that we did have together. Most importantly, however, I think the distance prevented us from being able to grow together.
Remember, this experience is my own personal one, shared from my perspective and not that of Jason's.
Knowing what I know now, having had this experience, would I do it over again or with someone else? I honestly don't know. If I were to change anything, I probably would have ended the relationship a lot earlier after the first wedding was cancelled. Instead I waited for him to end it for us. I knew things were different between us, but I just kept going hoping things would get better, holding on to that false belief that if he was just home, things would be better and we wouldn't be having these issues. But of course, that was not true.
But I guess love is like that. We put ourselves out there and we take our chances hoping for the best. And even though this was an extremely tough situation to bear I'm definitely going to continue to put myself out there and in time I'll be ready to open my heart to someone else again. Hopefully, this time, however, the guy will be for keeps.
Thank you all for reading and sharing this journey with me.
Does Med School Create Monsters?
I swear, if my boyfriend was a chick, I would think he was on his period comes test time!
But then again, this is not just any test. Jason has to take a test that tests him on everything he ever learned since he first began med school. Talk about pressure! I remember forgetting half the stuff I learned after each exam...and then remembering only half of that stuff when the class was over. So this is an important test for him. If his stress level was at the roof during tests, its sky high now.
With so much pressure, he has become a complete drama king. There is no other way to explain it. All of his sweat, tears, time and energy is going into studying for this exam. The little affection I would get via texts and Skype, is gone now. So I think to myself, well just be patient and he'll be home soon for vacation, this Friday as a matter of fact. But then, during vacation, he has to spend his three weeks preparing for his board exams. Probably the most important exam of his career. Then he's off again.
Written December 10, 2012.
But then again, this is not just any test. Jason has to take a test that tests him on everything he ever learned since he first began med school. Talk about pressure! I remember forgetting half the stuff I learned after each exam...and then remembering only half of that stuff when the class was over. So this is an important test for him. If his stress level was at the roof during tests, its sky high now.
With so much pressure, he has become a complete drama king. There is no other way to explain it. All of his sweat, tears, time and energy is going into studying for this exam. The little affection I would get via texts and Skype, is gone now. So I think to myself, well just be patient and he'll be home soon for vacation, this Friday as a matter of fact. But then, during vacation, he has to spend his three weeks preparing for his board exams. Probably the most important exam of his career. Then he's off again.
Written December 10, 2012.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Wedding Almost Not Going to Happen
Whoa! It's been a long time since I've posted anything here. I guess I can't exactly call myself a blogger :)
UPDATE
I think the last time I spoke about Jason, he was in his second semester of med school over at Ross University in the Caribbean. Well, now he's almost done with his fourth semester and will be coming back to America soon - for good. As great as that might sound, its not. Because he'll only be here for three weeks before he has to leave for Florida and be away for another four months. The good news is, at least he's back in the country - better internet, clearer calls, more accessibility.
REALITY CHECK
I started this blog to really document my experience of dating and being with someone who was in med school. The significance of this blog, I thought, was not only was my fiance in medical school (which presents challenges within itself) but he was also long distance. I searched and searched and could not find anything about a couple who was having to deal with the challenges of both being in med school and having to maintain their relationship long distance.
However, after reading over my last post, I believe I have left some significant information out, that truly documents our experience and I think is important to let any reader of this blog know.
Jason proposed to me in the third year of our relationship...before we knew he would be leaving out of the country to go to med school. We planned to have the wedding a year and a half later (which would have been earlier this year). However, after Jason's first semester of med school, Jason got cold feet and we had to cancel the wedding. Ladies, as you can imagine, this was devastating for me. Everyone knew about the wedding, everyone knew the date, almost everything had been paid for - it was a complete disaster and as you can imagine, I felt HORRIBLE..........
Jason felt so much pressure from school that first semester. He had to acclimate to a new environment and new culture. He was alone with no family and friends. His schedule was demanding. Many times, he wondered whether or not he would pass. Having been rejected from many (nope, make that all the ones he applied to) American medical schools, this university, for him, was seen as the last hope. If he failed out of here, his dream of becoming a doctor could very well be over. It's all he's ever wanted to do since he was nine years old. The thought of starting a family and being responsible to a wife frightened him. I think that was just too much for him to take on all at once.
Why did I feel it was important to reveal that....because it was for that exact reason that I began searching for others in similar situations and circumstances. Because I want to highlight just how hard this can be on the partner that is in med school. Of course, its probably no surprise, because everyone told him we would break up once he left. Jason went so far as to keep me a secret from fellow classmates so that he wouldn't have to hear people tell him that anymore.
THERE IS HOPE AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL
So what happened after the cancellation? Many, many fights and arguments. Many, many conversations. The worst part of it all? He cancelled right before coming home for Christmas. He was home for only three weeks and then left again. I couldn't even have a proper fight with him and I had to put on a happy face for the holidays. And when the holidays were over, so was his vacation. So he had to go back to school with the issue being unresolved. It was SO hard to talk about this via Skype and in between his demanding schedule.
What we decided to do, was change it up for his next vacation. I left to see him, instead of him coming here. That way, we could be alone from family and friends to truly talk about the situation. We used the money we got back from the wedding to have a really nice vacation. Again, I put on a happy face and enjoyed the little time we had together. We were still a bit unresolved by the time we left.
It took many more conversations and a whole lot of time for us to get through this and for me to truly forgive him. Nearly a year later, he finally decided that he was ready. He never wanted to break up or leave me, but emphasized that he was not "canceling" the wedding, just "postponing" it.
So, now we're nearly to the end (of the beginning stages) of his journey through medical school. Classroom work DONE! Now he's getting prepared for clinical practice. I'll keep you updated ;)
UPDATE
I think the last time I spoke about Jason, he was in his second semester of med school over at Ross University in the Caribbean. Well, now he's almost done with his fourth semester and will be coming back to America soon - for good. As great as that might sound, its not. Because he'll only be here for three weeks before he has to leave for Florida and be away for another four months. The good news is, at least he's back in the country - better internet, clearer calls, more accessibility.
REALITY CHECK
I started this blog to really document my experience of dating and being with someone who was in med school. The significance of this blog, I thought, was not only was my fiance in medical school (which presents challenges within itself) but he was also long distance. I searched and searched and could not find anything about a couple who was having to deal with the challenges of both being in med school and having to maintain their relationship long distance.
However, after reading over my last post, I believe I have left some significant information out, that truly documents our experience and I think is important to let any reader of this blog know.
Jason proposed to me in the third year of our relationship...before we knew he would be leaving out of the country to go to med school. We planned to have the wedding a year and a half later (which would have been earlier this year). However, after Jason's first semester of med school, Jason got cold feet and we had to cancel the wedding. Ladies, as you can imagine, this was devastating for me. Everyone knew about the wedding, everyone knew the date, almost everything had been paid for - it was a complete disaster and as you can imagine, I felt HORRIBLE..........
Jason felt so much pressure from school that first semester. He had to acclimate to a new environment and new culture. He was alone with no family and friends. His schedule was demanding. Many times, he wondered whether or not he would pass. Having been rejected from many (nope, make that all the ones he applied to) American medical schools, this university, for him, was seen as the last hope. If he failed out of here, his dream of becoming a doctor could very well be over. It's all he's ever wanted to do since he was nine years old. The thought of starting a family and being responsible to a wife frightened him. I think that was just too much for him to take on all at once.
Why did I feel it was important to reveal that....because it was for that exact reason that I began searching for others in similar situations and circumstances. Because I want to highlight just how hard this can be on the partner that is in med school. Of course, its probably no surprise, because everyone told him we would break up once he left. Jason went so far as to keep me a secret from fellow classmates so that he wouldn't have to hear people tell him that anymore.
THERE IS HOPE AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL
So what happened after the cancellation? Many, many fights and arguments. Many, many conversations. The worst part of it all? He cancelled right before coming home for Christmas. He was home for only three weeks and then left again. I couldn't even have a proper fight with him and I had to put on a happy face for the holidays. And when the holidays were over, so was his vacation. So he had to go back to school with the issue being unresolved. It was SO hard to talk about this via Skype and in between his demanding schedule.
What we decided to do, was change it up for his next vacation. I left to see him, instead of him coming here. That way, we could be alone from family and friends to truly talk about the situation. We used the money we got back from the wedding to have a really nice vacation. Again, I put on a happy face and enjoyed the little time we had together. We were still a bit unresolved by the time we left.
It took many more conversations and a whole lot of time for us to get through this and for me to truly forgive him. Nearly a year later, he finally decided that he was ready. He never wanted to break up or leave me, but emphasized that he was not "canceling" the wedding, just "postponing" it.
So, now we're nearly to the end (of the beginning stages) of his journey through medical school. Classroom work DONE! Now he's getting prepared for clinical practice. I'll keep you updated ;)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Single Life...Or So It Seems
Well Jason has been gone for quite some time now and I must say that I really do miss him. We get to talk every now and then, but with exams on the horizon, and as if he didn't study enough already, he's gone into hyper-super study mode now. That means, more time for study and less time for me. I try not to stress him out, and just be as supportive as I can. It's not always easy, but I know in the end that he cares about me, and right now he just needs to focus.
Which brings me to the point that sometimes being with Jason, I just feel single. We've been together for four years now, and we're engaged to be married. It's quite strange to feel single when you're supposed to be getting married soon. Yet, that's how I feel. How else can I feel when my fiance is living in another country for most of the year, when I only get to see him a few weeks every now and then. When something sad or exciting happens, I can't just up and call him. I can't go out with him to places like the movies on the weekend. I can't come home to him, or wake up next to him. He's like a ghost, a phantom that I get to speak to every now and then, but I can't really hold, touch or feel. It's weird.
So what do I do about it? Well, I find other things to do with my time and other people to hang out with. And when I finally do get to talk to Jason via skype, I just cherish those moments. And even though I might not have really gotten to speak to him for maybe like a week, when I do finally get some of his time, its' like no time has elapsed at all and I remember why I'm with him and why I love him so much.
So that's where I am right now with this whole dating a med student thing and having a long distance relationship. Its tough at times, but I guess what keeps me going is the benefits we'll reap in the end and the fact that we're not going to be living like this forever. I am told that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well time will only tell how we readjust to being a daily and present part of each other's lives once again when he comes back home for good!
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia
Which brings me to the point that sometimes being with Jason, I just feel single. We've been together for four years now, and we're engaged to be married. It's quite strange to feel single when you're supposed to be getting married soon. Yet, that's how I feel. How else can I feel when my fiance is living in another country for most of the year, when I only get to see him a few weeks every now and then. When something sad or exciting happens, I can't just up and call him. I can't go out with him to places like the movies on the weekend. I can't come home to him, or wake up next to him. He's like a ghost, a phantom that I get to speak to every now and then, but I can't really hold, touch or feel. It's weird.
So what do I do about it? Well, I find other things to do with my time and other people to hang out with. And when I finally do get to talk to Jason via skype, I just cherish those moments. And even though I might not have really gotten to speak to him for maybe like a week, when I do finally get some of his time, its' like no time has elapsed at all and I remember why I'm with him and why I love him so much.
So that's where I am right now with this whole dating a med student thing and having a long distance relationship. Its tough at times, but I guess what keeps me going is the benefits we'll reap in the end and the fact that we're not going to be living like this forever. I am told that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well time will only tell how we readjust to being a daily and present part of each other's lives once again when he comes back home for good!
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia
Sunday, January 22, 2012
The Distance
Well, Jason has been gone for almost a month now and I'm starting to really miss him now. We have both been super busy and finding time to talk with another has not been easy. All last week I was working ten hour days. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was crash. If that wasn't bad enough, Jason had some days where he was working, studying, and going to class from 8am until about 3am the next day! I have no idea how he does it. By the time I got to Friday, my batteries were dead and I needed to rest and Friday happened to be one of my longest days. My hat goes down to medical students, and especially to my medical student. There is no way I could pull off such an incredible schedule. It did catch up to Jason, however. On Saturday, he overslept and missed lab. I'm glad he finally got to get some rest, but unfortunately, he'll have to attend a make-up session.
I love Jason with all my heart and I am so proud of him and what he is doing. I even admire it. He's doing exactly what he has always dreamed of or at least he's on the road to doing what he has always dreamed of. I think my biggest fear at this point is the potential for us to grow apart not being able to see one another and not even being able to really talk. When Jason does finally have time to talk to me, its usually when he is dead tired. He usually falls asleep right in the middle of our conversation because he is so exhausted. I don't get upset though, I know he's tired. But I just worry about us becoming distant. I guess only time will tell how this thing works out. I'm hopeful that everything will be okay, but it doesn't stop me from wondering how everything will turn out.
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia
I love Jason with all my heart and I am so proud of him and what he is doing. I even admire it. He's doing exactly what he has always dreamed of or at least he's on the road to doing what he has always dreamed of. I think my biggest fear at this point is the potential for us to grow apart not being able to see one another and not even being able to really talk. When Jason does finally have time to talk to me, its usually when he is dead tired. He usually falls asleep right in the middle of our conversation because he is so exhausted. I don't get upset though, I know he's tired. But I just worry about us becoming distant. I guess only time will tell how this thing works out. I'm hopeful that everything will be okay, but it doesn't stop me from wondering how everything will turn out.
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I Need More Time!!!
My very first lesson about medical school and their students, STUDYING IS THEIR LIFE! OMG!
Jason has class from 8am until about 5pm - roughly equivalent to a full time job. After class, Jason studies at least until about midnight. Saturday, Jason has lab all day. His only day off is Sunday. Can you guess how he spends it? Yep that's right ladies and gentlemen, STUDYING. Ok, so I'm not there with Jason to speak from first hand experience, but he tells me that he is so busy sometimes, that he barely has time to eat! In addition to attending class, lab and studying, Jason also works as an EMT, tutors other students and is on the board for five different student organizations. Talk about busy...
Now, I have a full time job myself, true, I sit on the couch and watch television when I get home after five, but still, I have things to do too! Not to mention the four hour time difference between Jason and myself, making time to speak to one another is often one of the hardest things to do. Its not only about making time in each other's schedule, but its also about coordinating and accounting for the time difference. I can't tell you how many times we've agreed to talk at 6pm and screwed up in which time zone of 6pm we were actually going to talk.
I'm already far away from him, I can't hold him, touch him, massage him when he feels stressed out, make lunch for him so that he doesn't starve...heck...I can't even call him when I want just to talk about a good or bad day I'm having. So when Jason tells me he's going to skype me at 6pm, he better be skyping me at 6pm!!! It's the only little piece of him I get.
Or at least that's how I used to feel. True, with his busy schedule and my not so busy schedule, the time difference, and the distance, communication is absolutely important and essential to the vitality of our relationship. However, I had to take a step back and look at what he's going through, his time commitments, and realize that I have to be a bit more understanding. Just because he signs on to skype a little late does not mean he doesn't love me, it doesn't mean he doesn't care, it doesn't mean he doesn't miss me, it doesn't mean he's cheating on me...it doesn't mean any of that. All it means is that he's got caught up in any one of his various commitments.
Before Jason left for his first semester, we talked extensively about how this was going to affect our relationship and what we would do about it. I made him promise me only one thing: He would speak to me everyday, even if it was just to say goodnight or I love you. And I kid you not, everyday, Jason made sure he spoke with me, and if he didn't have time to have a very long conversation, he would at least check to see that I'm okay and tell me he loved me. I can't tell you just how special and wonderful that made me feel. Its hard to show someone how much you care for them when they are so far away, so telling me everyday is one of the best things he could have done to constantly reassure me that he cared. Because believe me, if you haven't already, you will start to think your med student doesn't care and that medical school is more important to them than you are...its so easy to feel insecure when you're dating a med student. You sometimes wonder if they should just date their books. It takes a lot of trust and communication between Jason and I for me to overcome my insecurity and sometimes I still fall prey to wondering whether or not he cares. But I just have to trust and rely on that trust that we built together over the past four years to make it through those times. It takes a tough, caring, and supportive person to date a med student.
How do you overcome insecurity in a long distance, medical school influenced relationship?
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia
Jason has class from 8am until about 5pm - roughly equivalent to a full time job. After class, Jason studies at least until about midnight. Saturday, Jason has lab all day. His only day off is Sunday. Can you guess how he spends it? Yep that's right ladies and gentlemen, STUDYING. Ok, so I'm not there with Jason to speak from first hand experience, but he tells me that he is so busy sometimes, that he barely has time to eat! In addition to attending class, lab and studying, Jason also works as an EMT, tutors other students and is on the board for five different student organizations. Talk about busy...
Now, I have a full time job myself, true, I sit on the couch and watch television when I get home after five, but still, I have things to do too! Not to mention the four hour time difference between Jason and myself, making time to speak to one another is often one of the hardest things to do. Its not only about making time in each other's schedule, but its also about coordinating and accounting for the time difference. I can't tell you how many times we've agreed to talk at 6pm and screwed up in which time zone of 6pm we were actually going to talk.
I'm already far away from him, I can't hold him, touch him, massage him when he feels stressed out, make lunch for him so that he doesn't starve...heck...I can't even call him when I want just to talk about a good or bad day I'm having. So when Jason tells me he's going to skype me at 6pm, he better be skyping me at 6pm!!! It's the only little piece of him I get.
Or at least that's how I used to feel. True, with his busy schedule and my not so busy schedule, the time difference, and the distance, communication is absolutely important and essential to the vitality of our relationship. However, I had to take a step back and look at what he's going through, his time commitments, and realize that I have to be a bit more understanding. Just because he signs on to skype a little late does not mean he doesn't love me, it doesn't mean he doesn't care, it doesn't mean he doesn't miss me, it doesn't mean he's cheating on me...it doesn't mean any of that. All it means is that he's got caught up in any one of his various commitments.
Before Jason left for his first semester, we talked extensively about how this was going to affect our relationship and what we would do about it. I made him promise me only one thing: He would speak to me everyday, even if it was just to say goodnight or I love you. And I kid you not, everyday, Jason made sure he spoke with me, and if he didn't have time to have a very long conversation, he would at least check to see that I'm okay and tell me he loved me. I can't tell you just how special and wonderful that made me feel. Its hard to show someone how much you care for them when they are so far away, so telling me everyday is one of the best things he could have done to constantly reassure me that he cared. Because believe me, if you haven't already, you will start to think your med student doesn't care and that medical school is more important to them than you are...its so easy to feel insecure when you're dating a med student. You sometimes wonder if they should just date their books. It takes a lot of trust and communication between Jason and I for me to overcome my insecurity and sometimes I still fall prey to wondering whether or not he cares. But I just have to trust and rely on that trust that we built together over the past four years to make it through those times. It takes a tough, caring, and supportive person to date a med student.
How do you overcome insecurity in a long distance, medical school influenced relationship?
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia
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