Well, it certainly has been some time since my last post :)
It has been touching to read all the comments and read about others' stories. I am always impressed each and every time that anyone has any interest in what I have to say or what my experience has been. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't the only one who had gone through something like this. It was nice to read all the words of encouragement. I especially enjoyed hearing things from a man's perspective (thank you for that!). And thank you to each and every one of you who has dared to post and share your experience. I am sure that your words were not only inspiring for me, but for other readers as well. Thank you again.
Although I posted "The Epic Conclusion" about five months ago, the break-up happened almost a year ago. Although it never seems like it at the time, life does go on after a break up. My life certainly has. How did I get through it...? Well, I did a lot of crying. Sometimes I would come home from work, pull into my garage, and just sit there and cry. Not in mourning for the man I was no longer with, but in mourning for the life I had envisioned for us together that was no longer to be. Although I hadn't walked down the aisle yet, in my mind, I was already married to the man. I was looking forward to starting a family. I was planning to be a mom (I already had my son's name picked out). I was mentally prepared to leave my home and follow my husband wherever he had to do his rotations. I was looking forward to sharing my bed with someone again. When I lost my fiancé, I lost those dreams as well. It was devastating. So I cried and I cried and I cried.
For those of you familiar with Kaiser Permanente...they have an excellent collection of podcasts available to members. The podcasts use something called visual imagery and positive affirmations. Visual imagery is all about imagining yourself in a soothing environment. Positive affirmations are positive statements meant to boost one's self-esteem. Kaiser had a podcast especially for grief. When I would wake up in the middle of the night, overwhelmed with grief and crying my eyes out...I would turn one of these podcasts on and I would at least be able to relax a little better.
I also bought a dog! A toy poodle I adopted from the local shelter. The bumper sticker "who saved who?" referring to people who have adopted pets, rings so relevant for me. She is the most affectionate dog I know. She is always excited to see me when I come home. She loves to be held and patted. And if I cried, she would jump right on my lamp instantly as if to give me a hug. She saved me.
Finally, I spent more time with family and friends and doing things that I enjoyed, but had neglected to do for so long because I was always thinking about and supporting my (ex) fiancé. I had always wanted to travel, but had been discouraged from doing so when I was with Jason because he thought "we should go together." Of course we never did, but this year I did. I went to Istanbul with a friend and to Africa just last month. I went to more music concerts and started doing things I enjoyed. It was nice to rediscover myself and see who Julia was.
I guess the point is....although its hard to see now (when the break-up first happens), please know that things will get better. Day by day, week by week, month by month. Give yourself time, you will heal and you will love again and BE loved again.
Love,
Julia
(Just Julia)
You sound like a great girl, and what he did to you was selfish. He led you on instead of ending things earlier when he knew you weren't the right girl for him. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, and I hope you meet the right person for you
ReplyDeleteJust found and read your blog. Thank you for sharing. I can relate on partial levels. I was dating my boyfriend for nearly 8 months before he realized international med school was his only option, and after his interview with the school, we quickly fell apart. He never provided me with reasons or explanations, just continued to say we weren't on the same page and he didn't want me to move their with him and things fall apart there. So we broke up, without having really done the breaking up part, just a lot of uncertainty, sadness and not talking or seeing each other anymore. He accepted his med school offer and he leaves in 6 months. I was devastated because I felt the breakup was not done properly and I felt I was left hanging, the break up wasn't even in person. But I know the path it was on was not good for me and I feel a lot better knowing he saved me (not all) but a lot of heart ache in the end. I do believe time heals.
ReplyDeleteI wish I found your blog sooner! I can really relate to the issues and woes of being with someone in med school. My ex and I broke up this month after talking for 7 months. Majority of our relationship was spent long distance because he was traveling back and forth to different hospitals for rotations. I never knew what becoming a doctor entailed except for what I watched on Greys Anatomy. Not even close to being the same. I understand why all the relationships were within the hospital now lol! When my ex got accepted to Harvard to work on his M.d and Phd our relationship went spiraling down quickly. We realized that time was hitting us hard and our careers and school were pulling us further apart. We couldn't hang out or see each other or even skype, because he wasn't big on technology. And I knew that if he could try he would, but there was just no way with the amount of work he had. When he would call he didn't seem as excited and interested in talking to me anymore and I felt like I was pulling teeth just to get him to be involved in conversation. To make a long story short, one Sunday afternoon he called me. I didn't understand why he called when he had nothing to say to me. Well I started feeling awkward and tried to talk about something (anything besides sitting on the phone in silence). That did not go to well and we ended up fighting over something really stupid. He was already irritated prior to talking to me and said some pretty hurtful things that made me feel pretty dumb. At that point my stress level went from 0-10 and I decided I had enough of his mood swings, due to being tired and stress from rotations and studying. I tried to understand his world, but being and artist myself our view of life, emotions, and affection was very different. After a month of no contact he called and apologized for the hurtful words he had spoken. We both agreed to continue on living our own life and split. The pain I felt was pretty unbearable the first few nights of our break-up. I cried myself to sleep listening to Boys ll Men and other sappy love songs. I'm just now accepting the fact that it's really over, but I will say that our time together helped me learn something about myself. I have more courage to fall in love and strength to pick myself back up when things go unexpectedly wrong. I am doing things I want to do and I'm even up for a promotion on my job.That makes me truly happy. Relationships and ex's teach you something about life....it goes on and better things await your arrival like you said, over time. Good luck and thanks for sharing your story!
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ReplyDeleteI am exactly going through the same thing at the moment, and I'm not gonna lie, its been tough for me. This blog is so relatable to what I am going through, and honestly, I cried reading this, knowing exactly how you felt when this all happened. My boyfriend and I have talked about how we were gonna cope with this, but honestly speaking there are days where I get lonely and depressed. On these particular days, do I doubt about our relationship and it is these thoughts that messes up with my head. My feelings for my boyfriend have not changed - I still love him for who he is, his personality and everything else. Its when I start doubting about us, does it make me think whether I made the right choice of going down this path. I've had a lot of up's and down's as a result of our relationship but reading this has made me understand everything there is to dating a med student. Being in this relationship has taught me way more than I bargained for, and I am still learning from it, but if anything, I hope things get better. I am so glad to have found this, and cannot thank you enough for sharing your story. Good luck with everything Julia, and hope you the very best :)
ReplyDeleteHi Julia! I'm reading this a few years late, so I'm not even sure you'll even see this, but I wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I randomly came across this blog through google. I've gone through a similar experience and your hearing your thoughts makes me realize that everything will get better, one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteHope you are doing well! :)