The Epic Conclusion

If you've read any part of this blog, then you know I'm not much of a blogger. I submit a post maybe every three to six months. However, staying true to my word, I want to continue to relay my experience as a med student's fiancé.

Please, please, please note and remember that this is just my personal experience that I am sharing with you to highlight the challenges of maintaining not only a long distance relationship, but also a relationship with a med student. By no means does this mean that my experience will become yours.

Here we go.....

The Beginning of the End

If you've read earlier posts, then you know my relationship with my med student has not always been the smoothest ride. Before he was even admitted to school, we lived two hours away from each. I was done with grad school and had already started my career, while he opted to remain with his parents and save money. Several months later he proposed (of course, I said yes!) and then we got hit with the news that he would need to attend school outside of the country if he ever wanted to become a doctor.

When the news hit, we discussed the possibility of me traveling with him. There were other students who had brought families along with them, so it wouldn't be a problem. But there weren't a lot of amenities where he was going (which didn't concern me, but he believed I would always complain about it anyway lol). Plus, I was just starting out as a social worker and two years with him would mean losing two years of experience - in which time I could have been working towards earning my license.

Additionally, there was always a small voice in my head, in the back of my mind, that told me I would be screwed if I left to be with him and in the end things didn't work out. I think in the back of his head, he was thinking it too, but never said it. So many times you hear about women giving up their dreams and careers to support their boyfriend, fiancé, whoever in school, only to be pushed aside later when he finally reaches success and decides she's no longer good enough for him. Heard that story before? Well, that wasn't going to be me.

But I think the biggest reason why I didn't go, was because in the end, he never actually asked me to come with him. Yeah, we discussed it. But he never once actually asked me to come with him or tried to convince me to come.

So from the beginning, there were always problems and complications. Not all of them related to med school.

Unhappily Ever After

It was December 15, 2012 (I think lol). Jason was finally coming home, for good. I was nervous and excited at the same time like I always was when I'm seeing him for the first time after so many months. I was there on time, parked and everything. I had arrived just minutes after his plane had landed. I walked inside the busy airport eagerly moving my head from side to side looking through the hoards of people in search of him. I finally spotted him from behind going towards the turnstile to pick up his luggage. With a big, goofy smile on my face and butterflies in the pit of my stomach, I ran towards him and stopped right behind him. I tapped him on his arm. He turned around to see who it was and with an indifferent look on his face he said "hey." Not "Hey!" Uh-uh. Just "hey." Then he turned back around to continue to look for his bags. He didn't reach out to hug me. He didn't reach out to kiss me. He didn't say he missed me. At that point, I felt like all I was to him was a ride from the airport.

We grabbed his luggage and silently walked back to the car together. Loaded his bags and got in the car. The ride home was about thirty minutes away from the airport. It was the most tension filled, quietest ride I had ever had with him.

We got home, watched some movies, but never cuddled. I tried to kiss him, but he did not return my affection.

The next day, I asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. I went to the bedroom and laid on my bed and cried. Jason decided it was a good time to put on his headphones. He never came to check on me and see what was wrong.

We lasted only one night together after he came home before it was finally over between us and we parted ways. We had been together for five years.

Some Conclusions

I think its important to know and understand that our ending cannot be entirely blamed on our long distance relationship and the fact that he was a med student. Yes, it definitely affected the relationship, but we obviously had problems that were unrelated to either of those issues. Med school and long distance did contribute to our growing apart; we were unable to adequately share in the pleasures and displeasures of daily life with each other. So we had no idea what the other was truly going through. Yes, med school is hard for the girlfriend or boyfriend that actually is in school. But its also hard for the girlfriend or boyfriend that isn't in school and doesn't know how to relate to or soothe the student. At the same time, the girlfriend or boyfriend not in school is feeling lonely and sad that their partner is gone and guilty for wanting them to come back home. School also did take up a large chunk of his time. It was hard to talk to him and have quality time with him from afar. There would be things that I would want to tell him and share with him that I couldn't. Technology was also a problem. Skype was not always the most reliable software. Neither was FaceTime. Just trying to sort out the technology would take up some of the precious time that we did have together. Most importantly, however, I think the distance prevented us from being able to grow together.

Remember, this experience is my own personal one, shared from my perspective and not that of Jason's.

Knowing what I know now, having had this experience, would I do it over again or with someone else? I honestly don't know. If I were to change anything, I probably would have ended the relationship a lot earlier after the first wedding was cancelled. Instead I waited for him to end it for us. I knew things were different between us, but I just kept going hoping things would get better, holding on to that false belief that if he was just home, things would be better and we wouldn't be having these issues. But of course, that was not true.

But I guess love is like that. We put ourselves out there and we take our chances hoping for the best. And even though this was an extremely tough situation to bear I'm definitely going to continue to put myself out there and in time I'll be ready to open my heart to someone else again. Hopefully, this time, however, the guy will be for keeps.

Thank you all for reading and sharing this journey with me.

Does Med School Create Monsters?

I swear, if my boyfriend was a chick, I would think he was on his period comes test time!

But then again, this is not just any test. Jason has to take a test that tests him on everything he ever learned since he first began med school. Talk about pressure! I remember forgetting half the stuff I learned after each exam...and then remembering only half of that stuff when the class was over. So this is an important test for him. If his stress level was at the roof during tests, its sky high now.

With so much pressure, he has become a complete drama king. There is no other way to explain it. All of his sweat, tears, time and energy is going into studying for this exam. The little affection I would get via texts and Skype, is gone now. So I think to myself, well just be patient and he'll be home soon for vacation, this Friday as a matter of fact. But then, during vacation, he has to spend his three weeks preparing for his board exams. Probably the most important exam of his career. Then he's off again.

Written December 10, 2012.