Wedding Almost Not Going to Happen

Whoa! It's been a long time since I've posted anything here. I guess I can't exactly call myself a blogger :)

UPDATE

I think the last time I spoke about Jason, he was in his second semester of med school over at Ross University in the Caribbean. Well, now he's almost done with his fourth semester and will be coming back to America soon - for good. As great as that might sound, its not. Because he'll only be here for three weeks before he has to leave for Florida and be away for another four months. The good news is, at least he's back in the country - better internet, clearer calls, more accessibility.

REALITY CHECK


I started this blog to really document my experience of dating and being with someone who was in med school. The significance of this blog, I thought, was not only was my fiance in medical school (which presents challenges within itself) but he was also long distance. I searched and searched and could not find anything about a couple who was having to deal with the challenges of both being in med school and having to maintain their relationship long distance.

However, after reading over my last post, I believe I have left some significant information out, that truly documents our experience and I think is important to let any reader of this blog know.

Jason proposed to me in the third year of our relationship...before we knew he would be leaving out of the country to go to med school. We planned to have the wedding a year and a half later (which would have been earlier this year). However, after Jason's first semester of med school, Jason got cold feet and we had to cancel the wedding. Ladies, as you can imagine, this was devastating for me. Everyone knew about the wedding, everyone knew the date, almost everything had been paid for - it was a complete disaster and as you can imagine, I felt HORRIBLE..........

Jason felt so much pressure from school that first semester. He had to acclimate to a new environment and new culture. He was alone with no family and friends. His schedule was demanding. Many times, he wondered whether or not he would pass. Having been rejected from many (nope, make that all the ones he applied to) American medical schools, this university, for him, was seen as the last hope. If he failed out of here, his dream of becoming a doctor could very well be over. It's all he's ever wanted to do since he was nine years old. The thought of starting a family and being responsible to a wife frightened him. I think that was just too much for him to take on all at once.

Why did I feel it was important to reveal that....because it was for that exact reason that I began searching for others in similar situations and circumstances. Because I want to highlight just how hard this can be on the partner that is in med school. Of course, its probably no surprise, because everyone told him we would break up once he left. Jason went so far as to keep me a secret from fellow classmates so that he wouldn't have to hear people tell him that anymore.

THERE IS HOPE AT THE END OF THIS TUNNEL

So what happened after the cancellation? Many, many fights and arguments. Many, many conversations. The worst part of it all? He cancelled right before coming home for Christmas. He was home for only three weeks and then left again. I couldn't even have a proper fight with him and I had to put on a happy face for the holidays. And when the holidays were over, so was his vacation. So he had to go back to school with the issue being unresolved. It was SO hard to talk about this via Skype and in between his demanding schedule.

What we decided to do, was change it up for his next vacation. I left to see him, instead of him coming here. That way, we could be alone from family and friends to truly talk about the situation. We used the money we got back from the wedding to have a really nice vacation. Again, I put on a happy face and enjoyed the little time we had together. We were still a bit unresolved by the time we left.

It took many more conversations and a whole lot of time for us to get through this and for me to truly forgive him. Nearly a year later, he finally decided that he was ready. He never wanted to break up or leave me, but emphasized that he was not "canceling" the wedding, just "postponing" it.

So, now we're nearly to the end (of the beginning stages) of his journey through medical school. Classroom work DONE! Now he's getting prepared for clinical practice. I'll keep you updated ;)

The Single Life...Or So It Seems

Well Jason has been gone for quite some time now and I must say that I really do miss him.  We get to talk every now and then, but with exams on the horizon, and as if he didn't study enough already, he's gone into hyper-super study mode now. That means, more time for study and less time for me. I try not to stress him out, and just be as supportive as I can. It's not always easy, but I know in the end that he cares about me, and right now he just needs to focus.

Which brings me to the point that sometimes being with Jason, I just feel single. We've been together for four years now, and we're engaged to be married. It's quite strange to feel single when you're supposed to be getting married soon. Yet, that's how I feel. How else can I feel when my fiance is living in another country for most of the year, when I only get to see him a few weeks every now and then. When something sad or exciting happens, I can't just up and call him. I can't go out with him to places like the movies on the weekend. I can't come home to him, or wake up next to him. He's like a ghost, a phantom that I get to speak to every now and then, but I can't really hold, touch or feel. It's weird.

So what do I do about it? Well, I find other things to do with my time and other people to hang out with. And when I finally do get to talk to Jason via skype, I just cherish those moments. And even though I might not have really gotten to speak to him for maybe like a week, when I do finally get some of his time, its' like no time has elapsed at all and I remember why I'm with him and why I love him so much.

So that's where I am right now with this whole dating a med student thing and having a long distance relationship. Its tough at times, but I guess what keeps me going is the benefits we'll reap in the end and the fact that we're not going to be living like this forever. I am told that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well time will only tell how we readjust to being a daily and present part of each other's lives once again when he comes back home for good!

An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia

The Distance

Well, Jason has been gone for almost a month now and I'm starting to really miss him now. We have both been super busy and finding time to talk with another has not been easy. All last week I was working ten hour days. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was crash. If that wasn't bad enough, Jason had some days where he was working, studying, and going to class from 8am until about 3am the next day! I have no idea how he does it. By the time I got to Friday, my batteries were dead and I needed to rest and Friday happened to be one of my longest days. My hat goes down to medical students, and especially to my medical student. There is no way I could pull off such an incredible schedule. It did catch up to Jason, however. On Saturday, he overslept and missed lab. I'm glad he finally got to get some rest, but unfortunately, he'll have to attend a make-up session.


I love Jason with all my heart and I am so proud of him and what he is doing. I even admire it. He's doing exactly what he has always dreamed of or at least he's on the road to doing what he has always dreamed of. I think my biggest fear at this point is the potential for us to grow apart not being able to see one another and not even being able to really talk. When Jason does finally have time to talk to me, its usually when he is dead tired. He usually falls asleep right in the middle of our conversation because he is so exhausted. I don't get upset though, I know he's tired. But I just worry about us becoming distant. I guess only time will tell how this thing works out. I'm hopeful that everything will be okay, but it doesn't stop me from wondering how everything will turn out. 

An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia

I Need More Time!!!

My very first lesson about medical school and their students, STUDYING IS THEIR LIFE! OMG!


Jason has class from 8am until about 5pm - roughly equivalent to a full time job. After class, Jason studies at least until about midnight. Saturday, Jason has lab all day. His only day off is Sunday. Can you guess how he spends it? Yep that's right ladies and gentlemen, STUDYING. Ok, so I'm not there with Jason to speak from first hand experience, but he tells me that he is so busy sometimes, that he barely has time to eat! In addition to attending class, lab and studying, Jason also works as an EMT, tutors other students and is on the board for five different student organizations. Talk about busy...


Now, I have a full time job myself, true, I sit on the couch and watch television when I get home after five, but still, I have things to do too! Not to mention the four hour time difference between Jason and myself, making time to speak to one another is often one of the hardest things to do. Its not only about making time in each other's schedule, but its also about coordinating and accounting for the time difference. I can't tell you how many times we've agreed to talk at 6pm and screwed up in which time zone of 6pm we were actually going to talk.


I'm already far away from him, I can't hold him, touch him, massage him when he feels stressed out, make lunch for him so that he doesn't starve...heck...I can't even call him when I want just to talk about a good or bad day I'm having. So when Jason tells me he's going to skype me at 6pm, he better be skyping me at 6pm!!! It's the only little piece of him I get.


Or at least that's how I used to feel. True, with his busy schedule and my not so busy schedule, the time difference, and the distance, communication is absolutely important and essential to the vitality of our relationship. However, I had to take a step back and look at what he's going through, his time commitments, and realize that I have to be a bit more understanding. Just because he signs on to skype a little late does not mean he doesn't love me, it doesn't mean he doesn't care, it doesn't mean he doesn't miss me, it doesn't mean he's cheating on me...it doesn't mean any of that. All it means is that he's got caught up in any one of his various commitments. 


Before Jason left for his first semester, we talked extensively about how this was going to affect our relationship and what we would do about it. I made him promise me only one thing: He would speak to me everyday, even if it was just to say goodnight or I love you. And I kid you not, everyday, Jason made sure he spoke with me, and if he didn't have time to have a very long conversation, he would at least check to see that I'm okay and tell me he loved me. I can't tell you just how special and wonderful that made me feel. Its hard to show someone how much you care for them when they are so far away, so telling me everyday is one of the best things he could have done to constantly reassure me that he cared. Because believe me, if you haven't already, you will start to think your med student doesn't care and that medical school is more important to them than you are...its so easy to feel insecure when you're dating a med student. You sometimes wonder if they should just date their books. It takes a lot of trust and communication between Jason and I for me to overcome my insecurity and sometimes I still fall prey to wondering whether or not he cares. But I just have to trust and rely on that trust that we built together over the past four years to make it through those times. It takes a tough, caring, and supportive person to date a med student. 




How do you overcome insecurity in a long distance, medical school influenced relationship?

An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
aka Julia

Introduction

I met and started dating my med student,  Jason, three years before he actually became a med student, while we were still both in college.  He was studying neuroscience while I was studying political science (not a real science according to Jason, lol).  From the very beginning and throughout our relationship, Jason made it very clear that medical school and becoming a doctor was in his future. Becoming a doctor was Jason's dream, and he has always been determined to make that dream a reality. Jason warned me that once med school began, it would not be easy on us. Facing a challenge was nothing new to me, and I thought, how bad could it be? Boy oh boy was I in for a rude awakening!


Jason not only decided to go to med school out of state, but also out of the country. My med student decided to attend Ross University, located on the beautiful island of Dominica in the Caribbean.  So not only do Jason and I have to address and deal with the challenges that come along with maintaining a relationship while one or both partners are in medical school, but we also have to face the challenges that comes along with having a long distance relationship.


Now, having been together for four years, engaged for one, and having toughed it out only through one single semester of med school, I thought it was time to share my experiences with all of you. I know that there are other partners out there like me who are going through the challenges associated with maintaining a relationship with someone in medical school. Some of you might be near your medical student while others may be far away like me and Jason, either way, dating a medical student is no easy task. I hope that by sharing my experience....good or bad...that I can help other partners out there who are either in the same boat as me, or about to embark on a similar journey.


Cheers!
An Almost Doctor's Almost Wife
(aka Julia)