Well, it certainly has been some time since my last post :)
It has been touching to read all the comments and read about others' stories. I am always impressed each and every time that anyone has any interest in what I have to say or what my experience has been. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't the only one who had gone through something like this. It was nice to read all the words of encouragement. I especially enjoyed hearing things from a man's perspective (thank you for that!). And thank you to each and every one of you who has dared to post and share your experience. I am sure that your words were not only inspiring for me, but for other readers as well. Thank you again.
Although I posted "The Epic Conclusion" about five months ago, the break-up happened almost a year ago. Although it never seems like it at the time, life does go on after a break up. My life certainly has. How did I get through it...? Well, I did a lot of crying. Sometimes I would come home from work, pull into my garage, and just sit there and cry. Not in mourning for the man I was no longer with, but in mourning for the life I had envisioned for us together that was no longer to be. Although I hadn't walked down the aisle yet, in my mind, I was already married to the man. I was looking forward to starting a family. I was planning to be a mom (I already had my son's name picked out). I was mentally prepared to leave my home and follow my husband wherever he had to do his rotations. I was looking forward to sharing my bed with someone again. When I lost my fiancé, I lost those dreams as well. It was devastating. So I cried and I cried and I cried.
For those of you familiar with Kaiser Permanente...they have an excellent collection of podcasts available to members. The podcasts use something called visual imagery and positive affirmations. Visual imagery is all about imagining yourself in a soothing environment. Positive affirmations are positive statements meant to boost one's self-esteem. Kaiser had a podcast especially for grief. When I would wake up in the middle of the night, overwhelmed with grief and crying my eyes out...I would turn one of these podcasts on and I would at least be able to relax a little better.
I also bought a dog! A toy poodle I adopted from the local shelter. The bumper sticker "who saved who?" referring to people who have adopted pets, rings so relevant for me. She is the most affectionate dog I know. She is always excited to see me when I come home. She loves to be held and patted. And if I cried, she would jump right on my lamp instantly as if to give me a hug. She saved me.
Finally, I spent more time with family and friends and doing things that I enjoyed, but had neglected to do for so long because I was always thinking about and supporting my (ex) fiancé. I had always wanted to travel, but had been discouraged from doing so when I was with Jason because he thought "we should go together." Of course we never did, but this year I did. I went to Istanbul with a friend and to Africa just last month. I went to more music concerts and started doing things I enjoyed. It was nice to rediscover myself and see who Julia was.
I guess the point is....although its hard to see now (when the break-up first happens), please know that things will get better. Day by day, week by week, month by month. Give yourself time, you will heal and you will love again and BE loved again.
Love,
Julia
(Just Julia)
